10/25/2026
𝕆𝕔𝕥𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣 25𝕥𝕙
Today is a day of both celebration and sadness for our family. Today we celebrate our birthdays - Beckett would be 3. I have celebrated this day for 32 years, but for three of them I have celebrated his existence and continued to grieve my son.��
I often find myself wondering to myself what life would be like if we hadn’t had to experience this tragedy. Who would he look like? Would his voice be raspy like his oldest brother, or screechy like his next brother? Would he become a blondie to match his big brother? There is not a doubt in my mind that he would be active, noisy, covered in dirt every chance he got, and joining the constant chaos that our house thrives on. While I wonder these things, I can’t help but think that our beautiful rainbow was sent to us from his brother in heaven, with the intention of making every single day brighter after the gloomy, heart wrenching storms we endured.
Term stillbirth is rare, even more rare is the “perfect storm” that happened to take him from us. The rate of stillbirth in the United States is .12% (heavy on the POINT). Beckett had a nuchal cord, which is rarely fatal. However, the nuchal cord paired with an extremely rare (less than .1%, again with that POINT) triple true knot in the umbilical cord, and yet another anomaly of a furcate cord (.1-.16%) at the placenta, led to a tragic outcome.
I could still replay the events of the 24th into the 25th as if it were yesterday, but I also couldn’t tell you what happened in the following month. It’s crazy, how the body has a way of auto-piloting through the day-to-day following trauma. I know we would never have made it through without our village, and for them I am beyond grateful.
I spend every single day wishing I could have all of my babies here with me, physically. Beckett’s brothers talk about him and let others know they have a brother in heaven. I will always include him when asked how many children I have, and I often wish I could say his name out loud, so everyone can know he is our angel. I will never apologize for someone feeling uncomfortable with the mention of my son, and I cherish the folks who also mention his name, for to me it means the world that they remember. Still born, still loved, still our son.
💙🤍🪽Happy heavenly 3rd birthday, Beckett Jon! I am so jealous of those angels who get to hold you until I get there. 🪽🤍💙
