23/10/2026
F**k, a lot can change in a year.
A year ago, I wrote about how I’d finally found myself. I’d gotten sober, gotten healthy and worked bloody hard to build a life I was proud of.
I thought the hardest chapters were behind me.
The last nine months have been some of the hardest of my life.
From the outside, it probably looks like one of my best years. I published my first book. Opportunities I’d only dreamed about became real.
But behind the scenes, I’ve been falling apart.
Little by little, I stopped looking after myself. I stopped exercising. I started va**ng again. After four years of sobriety, I drank. My mental health deteriorated to a place I never imagined I’d return to.
Things got dark. Really fu***ng dark.
And the hardest part has been watching myself become someone I don’t want to be. Reactive. Angry. Overwhelmed. Struggling to regulate my emotions. Sometimes barely recognising myself.
Then September came and my book was published. Something I’d worked towards for years.
Instead of feeling on top of the world, I felt like a fraud.
Because the sobriety, healthy habits and years of work that helped get me there felt like they’d fallen out from underneath me.
But struggling now doesn’t erase what came before. Those four years of sobriety were real. The healthier version of me was real. None of it was a lie.
I don’t have everything figured out. Not even close. But I know I don’t want to keep living like this.
And this isn’t just about sobriety, exercise or healthy habits. It’s about rebuilding my relationship with myself. Learning to trust myself, handle difficult emotions differently and take responsibility without defining myself by my worst moments.
I want to recognise myself again. To feel proud of who I am, not just what I’ve achieved.
I’ve spent years encouraging people to restore neglected ecosystems. Maybe it’s time I extended myself the same care.
So I’ve started Mel. For accountability, and because social media has a beautiful way of bringing your people to you.
I want to document the journey back to myself this time.
This isn’t a success story. It’s me trying to find my way back.
Again.